Amazing Grace

Chains of steel hold me here among lost hopes and dreams. Pain is real and ever clear,
it has no desire of leaving.

I wonder how I made it to where I am as the chains grow colder around my feet, showing no compassion as I cry out to be free.

A mindset of immortality no longer lingers in my mind, instead deaths door is what I find.
My past is written on the walls all around, constantly reminding me of what i've done.
Terrified I scream and cry, burring my face in my hands. I call out into the darkness and plead for light.

Sitting here, alone and scared, all I and hear is the sound of my own heart beating.

Then a feeling.

Suddenly I feel warmth throughout my body as I hear my chains hitting the floor. A rush of un-controleable emotion hits me as I realize....

I stand to my feet, hesitant. Then sure.

 I open my eyes to see that the darkness has fled and the once oppressive room has been painted red.
I look towards the heavens as I had a thousand times. My cries have been heard by an Almighty King and my sins are no longer recognized.


"My chains are gone, i've been set free. My God my Savior has ransomed me.
And like a flood His mercy rains.
Unending love. Amazing Grace."

Something Heavenly

Sometimes I can feel the flames of hell inside of me. Holding on like they will never let me free. Bringing me down until I feel as if I am at the end.


Giving up and on my knees, I find there is a voice calling out in the distance in front of me, a voice that screams "My child, come to me!" Without hesitation I find myself running...towards something heavenly.

Drowning tears and painful fears are all around me now. There is no way I will every make it out. The darkness grows even darker as I fall to the ground. Is this is? I'm on my own now.

Giving up and on my knees, I find there is a voice calling out in the distance in front of me, a voice that screams "My child, come to me!" Without hesitation I find myself running...towards something heavenly.

I see the sky, its opening up for me. I cannot wait to see those golden streets. My eyes are still somewhat blinded by the things of the world which were once a part of me. Getting scared, I fear He may not know my name.

Giving up and on my knees, I find there is a voice calling out in the distance in front of me, a voice that screams "My child, come to me!" Without hesitation I find myself running...towards something heavenly.

to me

I will find my way, in this lost and lonely place. I will find out how, to get by when there seems to be no grace. Mercy is a blessing, we don’t all get to see, but I know that when I need it most, it’ll find it’s way to me. 

Rain falls down like the tears of heavens angles. Love pours out like the spilling of the ocean. Hope is a friendly feeling when nothing else seems to be. Dreams are silent promises that I never want to go away. 

I will find my way, in this lost and lonely place. I will find out how, to get by when there seems to be no grace. Mercy is a blessing, we don’t all get to see, but I know that when I need it most, it’ll find it’s way to me. 

I find the joys of life lingering in a child’s eyes. No matter the struggles of my life, the pain passes with the time. Wondering in the darkness with all sense of direction gone, I find my way knowing its you who waits in the light. 

I have found my way, in this lost and lonely place. I have found out how, to get by when there seems to be no grace. Mercy is a blessing, I now get to see, I know that now I need it most, its found its way to me. 

Define It

How do you define success? Who defines it?
 Everyone's ideas and passions means something different to them than it does to us.

                                                          
My life has not been what what I would call successful...I didnt think. until today. I was eating lunch with my brother and talking about "Greys' Anatomy" (yes, Im infatuated with that show) when I realized...I do not have to prove myself to him in order for him to talk to me or love me. My life, as it is now, makes no difference to him. All he cared about for that one little hour was talking to me.

Just so you're not confused, I am getting back around to the happiness part...bare with me.

We all worry about what others might think about us.But why? If you walk into a restraunt full of fancy people, you might worry about what the couples at the other table are thinking about you..about your dress..your hair...when in reality, thats EXACTLY what they are freaking out about too! No one cares if you are the best, highest paid publisher for Vogue, or a highly thought of business owner......or a receptionist....
We worry for no reason.

Would you rather be worried about what complete strangers think about you? Or would it make more sense to pay complete attention to the more important matter at hand?

I spent my entire high school years worried about what the other teens in my class thought about me, even though sometimes it was quite clear...to them, I wasnt successful.

As I sit here and think about the fact that I have completed my sought after college education a year before any of my peers I still think about what they might think now. A Music Business Professional who has every capability, the strive and connections to become one of the greatest Artist Managers ever...and yet here I sit manning a switchbored for a production company (a great company, mind you).

So, again I ask.....How do you define success?

I define my success by knowing that on any givin day, my family would choose me over thier friends if I needed to talk or just hang out. I define it by the fact that despite my career dreams, I have a fantastic job that anyone would be blessed to have. I define it by the fact that I have a Rightous Saviour who loves me and who is El-Elyon (the most high God) and El-Olam (the everlasting God).

All of this because I went to lunch with my brother? Yes. Inspiration comes to me at the best and worst times in my life...Today was one of the best.

How will you define your Success?

Forty Two

 

What has changed that my soul feels the need to be sorrowful? Home feels so far behind.

The water in my cup refuses to overflow. Perhaps it is the lack of running water.

I have not forgotten how to drink, I just refuse to admit i'm thirsty.

Even the lowliest of creature will follow the heard to the stream. But only he can choose to drink.

Broken chains lay cold as I reach to the sky. Finally feeling the dryness upon my tongue. I long for the everlasting drink. 

Amazing.

I am not refused. 

Knowing now that stubbornness is the friend of agony and destruction, I choose a less oppressing life. 

Rest easy my soul. You are no longer mine. 

Why should I fear the single most comforting thing I know? A child believes without reason. I would follow the youngest to water.

Simplicity is beautiful.

Why complicate life with tasks and worries which we can not fix ourselves?

You do not take your troubles to a child and ask for help. Instead take your worries and struggles and give them to the specialist. It would only make sense.

I walk away from the ignorant and thirsty people of this world. Some may follow out of curiosity as I go. I will show them where I find my fresh water, and pray they understand the importance of it's being. 

Psalm 42 is my inspiration. 

Drown It Out

Drown out life and make it my own. Something I find myself stumbling on. Make this day mine and no one else's. Such a feat to try and control. How does someone manage to lose themselves while tending to those around. A solitude life, and a lonely one at that. Bringing tears to my eyes at dusks goodbye. Trying so hard to lose the chaos that has followed close behind for so long.

I this life I am living? I always thought there would be more. much more. I understand the need to survive, but must we lose ourselves in the process? Once upon a time I could find myself thinking about my future, and being proud. Where have we brought ourselves? A place where euphoria no longer exists.

Waste my life wishing otherwise. Change my own mind. Bring in the hourly watch of an unsatisfying stay. Weeks are years when I look through the broken window of lost hope and dreams. Hearing the ring of pain and annoyance in my ear. Tell me once more why I am here?

Understanding life is harder than entertaining angles...uninterested angles.

Should I fight to get back to the surface of things, or just let it all take me in. Make myself my own hero, if I fail I have no one to lose faith in but me.

In order to drown out life, the music must be louder than anything else. Knowing me. It probably already is.